The Dirty Birthday Song | Brit Rodriguez

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The Dirty Birthday Song

by Brit Rodriguez

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FionaK thumbnail

Charles de Lint thumbnail

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Carolina Acosta thumbnail

Kayla Unger thumbnail

about

This song was written for Ivonne Carley for her fortieth birthday. One of my proudest moments was seeing Al Wood use the hash tag #mentholteabag.

Yep.

lyrics

Well now that I’m 40 and it’s 2014,
I’ve been waiting all year to ask for just one thing.
I’ve been thinking of ways to phrase this query,
but I don’t want you to think that I’m a bitch on my birthday.

I don’t want to do the bronco, corkscrew, landshark, high dive
the Fountain of You, Kennebunkport Surprise.

Or any of the other weird shit you requested.
Tonight, I’ll watch a movie and wake up well rested.

Normally I’d let you throw me down like a rake,
but the only thing I’m blowing are the candles on my cake.

Now it’s Tuesday afternoon and you’re wanting a delight
but you’re too afraid to ask until the middle of the night.
I know what you’re thinking: maybe I’ll bend my rule,
but nothing’s gonna make me want to bend over you.

I don’t want the Flying Dutchman, Sandbag, Walrus, Shop Vac,
the Compton Gangbang or the Menthol Tea Bag.

On birthdays I get that you expect great sex.
But tonight your favorite head will be on a pillow, snoring, in bed.

I’ll walk around naked, watch you get frustrated.
And hope that this year my birthday is extended.

‘Cause I don’t want to do the bronco, corkscrew, landshark, high dive,
the fish hook, seat belt, nixon necktie, the tortoise, pig roast, peanut butter on toast,
the gobstopper, hindenburg, Lorena Bobbit, hummer tub, the tropical wind, or the sideways old glory…

Why can’t we just fuck like we’re both fucking 40?

credits

released December 5, 2014

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Brit Rodriguez Los Angeles, California

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